致家长的公开信

亲爱的家长,

我一直在大学阶段的残疾学生领域工作 for more than 30 years, but that is not why 我在写 to you today. 我在写 as a parent, and thus as someone who shares all your current anxieties. 我的女儿, 6月初高中毕业，今年秋天就要去上大学了. 她患有脑瘫，坐轮椅，语言能力有限，所以 你可以放心，我一直积极参与教育项目和 planning she has received during her years in the public school system. 我想 但我也需要参与进来，因为根据法律，学校不能参与进来 在未经我允许的情况下，为我的残疾女儿做任何事. 多年来，我参加了无数次IEP会议，在某些问题上我坚持己见 在我需要的时候，我可以得到学术上的支持，我为老师的一切感到痛苦 selection to her successful social integration with classmates. 现在，在我准备的时候 把她打包送去秋天的大学，我认识到这个角色 对我来说已经结束了——“焦虑”这个词甚至不能描述我的感受.

如果你担心你的残疾孩子会有困难 a successful transition to college without your involvement... 那么你很可能 担心是对的. Very few children with disabilities can succeed at the college 水平. On the other hand, students with disabilities survive and thrive on college 遍布全国的校园. If you still think of your son or daughter as your "child," 而且他们仍然坦然接受这个角色，是时候小心了 look at where you have come from and what lies before you. 作为父母，是时候了 让我们退后一步，允许/鼓励/轻轻地推动我们的社署(残疾学生) 为自己的生活承担重要的独立责任，包括学业上的责任 和个人.

当你和你的社署准备以残疾人士的身份参观校园时 在学院提供服务的时候，你最好好好想想能完成什么 at this initial meeting, what needs to be said - and who is going to say it!!! As 当我和女儿接近同样的里程碑时，我发现自己有点恐慌，意识到 她的残疾是如何影响她的功能的 我知道，残疾服务提供者也需要知道，我可能不知道 有很多机会说吗. There is no doubt that I can explain those things more fully than my daughter can explain them (or even understands them!). 这并不重要.  尽管我很讨厌这样，但我知道她必须是传达所有这些关键信息的人 (不是我!)，原因有很多.

首先，大专院校为社署提供的服务和支援有很大的不同 laws than those that governed services in the K-12 system. 作为家长，我没有 rights under Section 504/ADA in speaking for my SWD who is in college. (如果你不是 我知道《十大赌博正规平台在线》第504条在这种情况下是什么意思，也许是残疾人服务 您所见的提供者将收集一些信息，以帮助解释 differences between settings, both legally and practically. 两个我最喜欢的网站 for learning more are at: http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html 和http://www.希斯.乔治华盛顿.edu/). The services and support available to SWD are sometimes 与高中提供的非常不同，大学是在 有义务继续在高中提供的服务或坚持建议 一个外部的诊断专家. The college will make its own determination of what services 以及根据残疾记录和面试提供的支持 与你的社署署长. There are no IEP's in college, there is no place to sign off with my 父母的批准. Indeed, the college doesn't legally have to care whether I am satisfied 或不. My daughter is responsible for her own destiny now.

更重要的是，虽然这可能是你传达所有重要信息的最后机会 信息，这是你的社署第一次传达这些信息的机会 全靠他/她自己. Don't spoil that opportunity, and don't interfere. 记住, 而你和你的社工正在了解更多关于校园，资源和 人们会在需要的时候提供帮助，残疾人服务提供者正在学习 more about your son/daughter, as well. You want their first impression to be one that 是积极的，让人放心的. The service provider is anxious to find out whether your SWD已经足够成熟，能够承担大学生活的责任和独立. 这里有一些具体的建议，可以帮助你的社署在这个新的焦点中脱颖而出 焦点:

• 如果你没有被邀请参加第一次会议，不要觉得被侮辱了 your SWD and the disability services folks. Some institutions have found that it is helpful for them to speak directly (and alone!) to the student in order to get a feel 对于他/她在分享过去服务信息方面的知识和信心， 什么是有效的，什么是无效的，他们希望在大学里有什么样的住宿 水平. 你会 get a 机会 to 提出你的问题, but recognize that it may come 晚一点，而不是早一点. 
• 如果你被邀请参加残疾人服务人员的会议，那就去做 承认你的社署是处理残疾相关需要的权威机构，作出 it clear that you believe they have all the answers! Try focusing your visual attention on your son/daughter instead of trying to make eye contact with 面试er. If you look to your SWD, so will the professional.
• DON'T begin any sentence with "S/He needs to have..." Instead, you can try, “In high 学校，他/她有..." or "The person who tested him/her suggested...“但是它会。 actually be better if you said nothing at all! Try to talk as little as possible in 会议. 这不是你的会议. 记住, you are there as an observer, not 作为参与者. 
• 提前花点时间让你的儿子/女儿对你认为的问题做好准备吗 need to be discussed - the things that you would say if you had the 机会. 做一个 列出你会提出的话题，解释为什么你认为每个话题都很重要，然后 make sure your SWD has the list in hand when s/he goes into 面试. 排练 with your son/daughter, if they will let you. If they are typical teens and aren't 舒服地坐着排练，满足于让他们坐下来 listen while you demonstrate how you would approach certain subjects. 例如, “我认为你应该告诉他们老师是如何为你安排额外的时间的 on tests when you were in high school. I'd probably say, 'In high school, I was allowed 因为我花了很长时间来整理我的想法 in writing, but I never needed it in Math.’” Your SWD may not acknowledge the strategies 你分享，但你可能会惊讶地听到这些话从他/她的嘴里说出来 面试!
• 不要打断. If you disagree with something the disability service provider says, 或者如果你的社署说了一些你知道是不正确的事情，或者如果你看到社署同意你的看法 当你知道他们不知道他们同意什么时——不要 中断! 让面试进行到底. 给 the disability service provider a 机会 让你的社署进一步解释，让社署有机会澄清问题，或 simply wait to see if the confusion/disagreement remains. 知道这一点很重要 just how independent and accurate students are in describing their needs. 你会 抓住机会.
• 是否鼓励你的儿子/女儿在面试中说出来并分享那些重要的观点 进展. Instead of explaining to the disability service provider why Johnny needs 在数学课上使用计算器，然后转向约翰尼说:“你为什么不向约翰老师解释一下呢. _____为什么在数学和科学课上使用计算器对你很重要? 是因为你排列列有困难，还是因为你有困难 remembering basic math facts or???" 给 an open ended question that encourages your 社署作出充实回应. At the same time, you are hinting to 面试er that there is an issue here to be discussed (See? I told you that you would get your 机会!)

Why not take notes as 面试 进展? When your son/daughter has exhausted 要讨论的主题列表，以及残疾服务提供者已共享的所有内容 the information they thought was important, it is YOUR turn to talk. 继续 提出你的问题. The most important thing to remember now is that you do not want to undermine your son/daughter's credibility. If you have more information to share 对于一个给定的主题，试着用这样的句子开始:“正如苏茜告诉你的，她已经使用了……..." and then add whatever you need to on top of information already given. 如果你认为 your SWD gave incorrect information, tread carefully. 你可能会说:“我很惊讶 听到简说_________. I would have said __________, because...“你会得到你的 point across without directly contradicting what your son/daughter said. 你的目标 是向社署及残疾服务提供者保证你的支持 of their budding understanding, and simply want to share another viewpoint.

有句老话说:
There are only two things a parent can give to a child ... 一个是根. 另一个 是翅膀.

是时候让我们的孩子独唱了. That is a scary thought for us, as parents, and it is sure to be scary for them, too. 没关系. This is what we have all been working 朝着很长一段时间. 记住, your son/daughter will call, email, or text if 他们需要你. They know what you can do for them, but now it is time for them to 单干. Take a deep breath, cross your fingers, wish them well - and walk away. 一切都会好起来的!

祝你好运。 
简年后)
骄傲(和恐惧)的妈妈    
JaneJarrow@aol.com